from your eyes
saying goodbye
I don’t want to be
part of your life
and you are left
with nothing
and you can’t see
anything
you can’t feel
anything
your heart
and your mind
have left you too
and you are
truly empty
your life useless
and lost
you wander
the world
a nobody
trudging on
a ghost no one
can see.
hurts the heart
so much
it is so hard
to stay afloat
my head
goes under
and then
my body
too follows
there is nothing
I can do
about it
and the pain
now is
no longer
bearable
I lose
consciousness
my mind
fades away
in the background
and it is red
the colour
of blood
and then
it turns black
as I die.
in the heart
and pain tugs
at you
like a boat
trouble
in the mind
and sadness
sits on your brain
gloomy
your body
is diseased
useless
and it
fails you
and that
is trouble too
when you find
that you’ve hit
rock bottom
falling right
on your bum.
were all over
the place
in the sun
some were
behaving
so badly
and everyone
had madness
in their minds
we were such
a wild bunch
of humans
dinosaurs
thundering
across the
red Earth
and slowly
we realised
that the planet
itself was mad
the dark universe
crazy as a loon
and we cried
before we died.
blowing like the breeze
my body pulsating
in ecstasy
like the sunset
burning orange flames
in the sky
and in the darkness later
I am at such peace
the stars glowing silver
in the black vault
and I am floating
in the waters of joy
swimming in ripples
of magic I dive I rise
and I begin to fly so high
I meet the moon
and we say hello
and hug and kiss
and make love.
and the mind
recalls
the conversations
and the pain
is once more
in your heart
and the tears flow
and so vulnerable
you feel inside
a sea of sorrow
in which
you are drowning
and the oceans
carry the sadness
of everyone living
and life is
this hurt mind
breaking into pieces
being pulled
with the current
of the water
in which all of us
finally float dead.
in which
we were swimming
and so happy
we greeted
each other
like brothers
and sisters
and hugged
and happiness
was like water
we were floating
through
delighted
in wonder at
the world
its sudden joy
its warm embrace
and how lucky
we were to
experience this
and our hearts
were so big
we could love
the whole universe
and everyone in it
right back.
and wind blows
through me
walking
in Bombay itself
I had become one
going through
its streets
invisible
and now I can
be anything
I want
and today in Kumily
the birds are chirping
and whistling like
they are really happy
and I love
the weather
and the light outside
and I am now
all those
birds cooing
and calling
and I soon find
I am in paradise
multifarious
and beautiful
as thousands of me
are set free.
and hugs me
and says it’s alright
I know how it is
but I have no peace
I have no happiness
I am drowning
in sorrow
and this world
of thorns
makes it
difficult to walk
my body is broken
and can’t
be put together
my mind shattered
like a stone
through a window
how am I living
I ask myself
and realise
that I must
have died
and this is
my ghost
here.
is painful to bear
life goes from
bad to worse
and madness
takes root
in the brain
the heart
is so heavy
with the weight
of the universe
its sadness
it’s a wonder
it still beats
but what use is it
when you are
lost in this grief
falling
to the ground
and broken
you wail
O life you have
become so terrible
and the mind
you do not
have to ask
shattered
its cry rises
to the sky
and the cosmos
is pierced
and pierced
again
till it crumbles
and everything
is gone.
Dominic Alapat 