So Now The Day Is Well

and the sun

is in the sky

shining brightly

smiling

and the blue of the sky

is so beautiful

light and deep

at places

I have not seen

any painting

this gorgeous

and I think that the sky

is happy

with itself

and with the world

and today

I can hear it speak

its blue language

its magical music

of the mother suckling

her children

at her breast

and the milk that we drink

is the cool white milk

of the clouds

pure and refreshing

and then I see the darkness

between the trees

of various shapes

and I see they are

living beings like us

big black transcendent

creatures of the earth

breathing and I can see

the smiles on their faces

they too are happy

because their

mothers are trees

green and soft and beautiful

and they too are suckling at their

mother’s breasts

and are happy children

of the world

and the earth

is the mother of everything

we know on this planet

and on her we all sleep

at night when she

suckles at the milk

of the universe

which is her mother

and we know how happy

she is then and how freely she floats

without any support

and how we feel our own hearts

grow free

and every dusk our wings unfurl

and we fly like birds to our sky mummy

who gathers us in her arms in joy

kisses us

and puts us to sleep

another night

on this earth.

And The End

of the universe

is what I’m

thinking about

such is nature

and we are

part of it

one day there

won’t be anything

like death that takes life

lives that you love

so painful it must me

for my mother

in the hospital

I think

so weak she is now

asking for water

in this low voice

in the video my sister

sent me

and I cry

when I think

she will be no more

someone who gave

birth to me

someone who

bred me

someone who

loved me

will go

and she is in such agony

in such misery

wailing

I cannot bear it

and I think of the universe

its darkness its depths

that will take her

and I wipe the tear

from my eye

I am not ready to bid

her goodbye

but I’ll have no choice

I tell myself

with death

what can we do

and I think

of the black universe again

and see my mother

as a shining star.

Such A Bright And Sunny Day

it is today

the forests and mountains

are sparkling green

the birds are chirping

and the whole mood

outside is of childhood

and wonder and magic

and just as I am thinking this

I can hear my gate opening

and who comes to meet me

but Phantom and I see following

him is his white horse

whose mane is like silk

and suddenly it takes off

into the sky

and I am again surprised to see after it

Superman now flying past

and Spiderman climbing the houses

and the trees and I laugh in joy beyond imagination

and as the mountains are echoing with laughter

there is Batmobile at my gate and Batman is inside it

and Phantom and I now get into the car

and we drive off into the mountains of Kumily

and there are these huge yellow butterflies

the size of people and Batman Phantom and I laugh

and then the three of us start singing

in such happiness Cinderella appears out of nowhere

and following her are Snow White and the Seven Dwarves

and there is also Tintin under a tree waving

and Tarzan howls as he flies across the forest

hanging on to nature’s hand

and Suppandi has his meal of mangoes

and I suddenly find that I am a rainbow

and the music in my ears is the silence

of yellow tables and there is this book

with a telephone dial in it which I am dialling

and I am then in paradise and yellow chicks

greet me with their happy cries and I can understand

what they are saying isn’t it great Dominic they ask

isn’t life the greatest thing in the world and behind them

are so many other animals and slowly I find the shadows

of humans moving like mist and my heart now is open I have seen

the light and here’s a big hug to everyone come let me hold you tight.

Now The World Is Green And Cool

and parrots look so beautiful

flying in a formation of six to eight

and their half-toot half-screech

is so exciting to hear

and how they look

like helicopters

turning into the trees

and yesterday evening

I saw such a beautiful bird

fly slowly in the forest

it was big and orange black

against the deep green trees

and the mountains

and the blue sky above

with those big white clouds

moving like they do here

in Kumily and recently

in Claus Garden I saw

a really gorgeous butterfly

black at the edges yellow inside

flit about like magic

and then we saw

two giant Malabar squirrels together

Claus Omana and I

we were sitting on the bench

in the garden

and one was smaller than the other

but both looked fabulous together

and Claus took some pictures

of them

and from my terrace

when I look at 10th Mile Road

in the far distance

it is a painting in mist

its hazy-coloured blue mountain ridges

flowing like a mirage in the sky

and the head of the hill behind me

in the Periyar Tiger Reserve

that has been watching everything

for so many hundreds of years

is still entranced by all

that it sees

and I keep looking at it

at its deep in trance

old brown head

and to my utter surprise

it asks me isn’t it beautiful?

There Are So Many Things

we don’t know

there is so much to learn

and we are so small

against the deep blue vault

worms we are

crawling on the earth

across its living face

and what can we do

but what we know

the old lady next door

cries a lot and then

one morning she teased me

white boy hey hey hey

she sang shaking her head

until her daughter-in-law

told her to stop

and her aged husband

is now very sick

his urine drenched bedsheets

stink up the neighbourhood

and my mother is also very ill

death seems to be so painful

so traumatic so scary for her

save me God I’ll die

she cries as I cup

her head in my palm

and she calms down

as I talk to her softly

telling her it’s alright

you will get well

you will recover

and I look at the

rectangular red

beauty spot

on my mother’s neck

which I always thought

was the prettiest ruby

in the world

and realise that I still do

and when I am ready to leave

a few days later

I ask her if I can go

kissing her many times

again cupping her head

in my palm

the head that I shaved

the day before as the doctor said

and she says go handsome

and I tell her I’ll be back

to see her soon

and she is already half asleep

and so different

from what she looked like

when she was younger

and when I leave

I know that maybe

I may not see her alive again

and I feel that filial pain

while outside the car window

it slowly starts to rain

and I cry as I think

of the final goodbye.

And The Sun

blasts earth

with its light

showing its might

and the birds chirp in joy

though inside me there is sadness

and pain like waves washes over

my heart torn apart

the world is divided into misery

and more misery

and reality is all powerful

only death will be able

to bridge this gap

and the crying that it brings

is despair blowing wildly

in the air

while in the body

the mind takes refuge

and you can hear it

hear what it is saying

you can feel the trauma

you are lying down in bed

and you’re saying you’ll fall

and the heart beats in fear

when you feel the end is near

you want death

to get on its legs

and run away

you’re saying

I’ll die I’ll die

and you cry

and you call

for you daughter

you call

for the doctor

you call

for water

and what can I do mother

what can I do

what can I do to death

although I’d like to stop it

it will come it will come

I think as I massage

your body and my mind

grows heavy

and I am sad.

Now After Days

I return

here

and there I was

at the heart

of life

death can be terrifying

to some

delirious

they cry

mother mother

I’m dying

I can’t make it

I’m going to fall

and the heart itself

is so unpredictable

like life

moving like mist

showing you

your journey home

water water water

you cry

O such pain

something happened to me

where are we

mother mother

and memory

is another killer

on the prowl

like a panther

it haunts your brain

returning again

and again

making your eyes wet.

The Sun Shines

so brightly on the mountains

and the birds are chirping

so happily

the nights are beautiful

black and deep

and the trees talk so softly

among themselves

you can’t hear them

and everything in the blue sky smiles

the big white clouds slowly moving

like magic

and the mountains are so green

so beautifully shaped and big

you can’t hear them either

though they talk

through their mass

to each other

and they are all signs of peace

they send their greetings

and then there is the mist

that moves across them

they too are saying something

which we can’t hear

but we know because their words

get imprinted in our minds somehow

and you can read them silently

as they make sounds of quietness

soothing in your head like still water

life is transient they say

take care

have a good time

be at peace

and always look at us

from life to death

from death to life

see how we flow with such ease

because we know that everything

is on lease

so good luck

with yourself

they say

and they keep moving

in that slow pace

across the mountain face.

The World Has All Sorts Of Problems

with which it tortures me

it tests my intelligence

my feeling

like a teacher

and it punishes me too

for nothing

and it tells me to be strong

though I have done no wrong

and that is a big challenge

because unless you get stronger

and stronger

it is difficult to survive

it is difficult to be happy

O miserable world

your sun has turned blood red

with our human blood

O moon you have chased me

all across my years

like a wild animal

I’m running from

and I ask

why not leave me alone world

why not let me live in peace

what have I done to you

and all I hear is the silence of a sadist

holding his breath to strike.

Darkness And Light

alternate in the day today

and mist moves

all over the green mountains

sometimes rain sometimes sun

fill our lives as I go about filling water

in my tank and my neighbour’s chickens

cluck about picking food from my property

but now finally I am at liberty

to write and fight the demons in my mind

and when the birds chirp I think they are so kind

because it makes my heart freely fly across the sky

and that reminds me of the other evening

when I saw the moon partly hidden in the clouds and

I couldn’t tell if it was full or half and that puzzlement

made me laugh and then a few days before that

when I went to Kattappana I saw everywhere

jackfruit hanging in bunches and everything was green

but my mind was troubled and I felt the world was mean

and now once again it has begun to rain and soon everything

has darkened and brought with it a kind of pain

like when I walk tired along an empty street

and life in my mouth tastes bittersweet.