And The End

of the universe

is what I’m

thinking about

such is nature

and we are

part of it

one day there

won’t be anything

like death that takes life

lives that you love

so painful it must me

for my mother

in the hospital

I think

so weak she is now

asking for water

in this low voice

in the video my sister

sent me

and I cry

when I think

she will be no more

someone who gave

birth to me

someone who

bred me

someone who

loved me

will go

and she is in such agony

in such misery

wailing

I cannot bear it

and I think of the universe

its darkness its depths

that will take her

and I wipe the tear

from my eye

I am not ready to bid

her goodbye

but I’ll have no choice

I tell myself

with death

what can we do

and I think

of the black universe again

and see my mother

as a shining star.

There Are So Many Things

we don’t know

there is so much to learn

and we are so small

against the deep blue vault

worms we are

crawling on the earth

across its living face

and what can we do

but what we know

the old lady next door

cries a lot and then

one morning she teased me

white boy hey hey hey

she sang shaking her head

until her daughter-in-law

told her to stop

and her aged husband

is now very sick

his urine drenched bedsheets

stink up the neighbourhood

and my mother is also very ill

death seems to be so painful

so traumatic so scary for her

save me God I’ll die

she cries as I cup

her head in my palm

and she calms down

as I talk to her softly

telling her it’s alright

you will get well

you will recover

and I look at the

rectangular red

beauty spot

on my mother’s neck

which I always thought

was the prettiest ruby

in the world

and realise that I still do

and when I am ready to leave

a few days later

I ask her if I can go

kissing her many times

again cupping her head

in my palm

the head that I shaved

the day before as the doctor said

and she says go handsome

and I tell her I’ll be back

to see her soon

and she is already half asleep

and so different

from what she looked like

when she was younger

and when I leave

I know that maybe

I may not see her alive again

and I feel that filial pain

while outside the car window

it slowly starts to rain

and I cry as I think

of the final goodbye.

And The Sun

blasts earth

with its light

showing its might

and the birds chirp in joy

though inside me there is sadness

and pain like waves washes over

my heart torn apart

the world is divided into misery

and more misery

and reality is all powerful

only death will be able

to bridge this gap

and the crying that it brings

is despair blowing wildly

in the air

while in the body

the mind takes refuge

and you can hear it

hear what it is saying

you can feel the trauma

you are lying down in bed

and you’re saying you’ll fall

and the heart beats in fear

when you feel the end is near

you want death

to get on its legs

and run away

you’re saying

I’ll die I’ll die

and you cry

and you call

for you daughter

you call

for the doctor

you call

for water

and what can I do mother

what can I do

what can I do to death

although I’d like to stop it

it will come it will come

I think as I massage

your body and my mind

grows heavy

and I am sad.

Now After Days

I return

here

and there I was

at the heart

of life

death can be terrifying

to some

delirious

they cry

mother mother

I’m dying

I can’t make it

I’m going to fall

and the heart itself

is so unpredictable

like life

moving like mist

showing you

your journey home

water water water

you cry

O such pain

something happened to me

where are we

mother mother

and memory

is another killer

on the prowl

like a panther

it haunts your brain

returning again

and again

making your eyes wet.

The Sun Shines

so brightly on the mountains

and the birds are chirping

so happily

the nights are beautiful

black and deep

and the trees talk so softly

among themselves

you can’t hear them

and everything in the blue sky smiles

the big white clouds slowly moving

like magic

and the mountains are so green

so beautifully shaped and big

you can’t hear them either

though they talk

through their mass

to each other

and they are all signs of peace

they send their greetings

and then there is the mist

that moves across them

they too are saying something

which we can’t hear

but we know because their words

get imprinted in our minds somehow

and you can read them silently

as they make sounds of quietness

soothing in your head like still water

life is transient they say

take care

have a good time

be at peace

and always look at us

from life to death

from death to life

see how we flow with such ease

because we know that everything

is on lease

so good luck

with yourself

they say

and they keep moving

in that slow pace

across the mountain face.

Thinking

I find today

is burning

the hours so fast

making my mind

hot and heavy with fire

and when I look at

the gloomy monsoon

outside my window

it occurs to me

that the world is dead

that something happened

which I cannot understand

the birds are chirping

but no human is talking

what wickedness

is this universe up to

what has it done

to my mind

what has it done

to us humans

I ask and I am

shocked at the silence

of the sky and the trees

I wait and wait for an answer

and then I find there is none coming

and again as I look at the time

I find once again hours have passed by

and then when I look up at the sky

I notice it has been burnt black

and is torn and flapping

in the crying wind

and finally in despair

when I lower my gaze

I crumple into ash.

Too Disturbed

I am now for anything

my body anchored

to the horror of my mind

and my mind hanging on

its hinges

all I see is the plunging

darkness growing deeper

and deeper

my hands flailing in the wind

my legs lost beyond sensation

and all I can hear is this howling

and I wonder who it is

whose voice comes echoing

up and down in and out

and I can’t tell really

whether it is me

or the dark

and now I distinctly

feel my body breaking off

from my mind and then

I see the moon so tiny dissolving

in the black sky like a tablet in water

and though I am falling without my body

there is some other weight

I can’t figure out and then I see

the pitch black sky looking lifeless

and now I am plunging at greater speed

and the air around me is screeching

like twenty thousand demons

and when I finally hit the ground

the still sky strangely

bursts open in tears

pouring all over me

and bathed in this sorrow I die.

Now Suddenly

after so many days

the sun shines golden

the mountains and the trees

are so green

you are delighted

and then slowly

the world crawls

into you like a worm

and you feel your body

become ill alienated

from yourself

some sort of appendage

rather than part of you

and that is when you realise

you have long been dead

as a man and you are more

of an alligator

and your heart is hungry

and your teeth are sharp

and your mind is sudden blow

after blow

that is what life has become

it was not like this earlier

I would notice things

when I travelled

and I promised myself

that I would remember

them for life

but that was not to be

only some things I remember

some places

and I try to think of the whole thing

and I ask myself

what am I

and then all those roads come

flooding back into view

I suddenly am

looking at each streetlight

at each tree

at each car passing by

and I remember a boy

so happy

waving at me

and I wonder at

the meaning of it all

how puzzling

the whole damn thing is

and I can’t help

asking myself again

what is life

accurate

animal or air

and as I think

the moon shines in the sky

and I am lost in its light.

And Once Again The World

seems possessed by demons

the phone rings

and you realise it’s in a movie

and not your house

how eerie the music

how brittle how old

how bad the earth

now the sky is so frightened

see how pale it has become

it has never been like this

and so many years ago in Bombay

we boys walked

down the road smoking

past the tailor’s shop

and the sun was so happy

so fresh

why is the world the way it is

why is it so deceptive

how did it become like this

what did we do

O now see the poor trees

have no names

and the children play no games

everything has been forgotten

our world is burning like paper

we will soon be vapour

our bodies our bones

our skulls our blood

will flow away

we will die

we too will be forgotten

our moon has no more

light no milk

and the sun burnt

itself and

its charred remains fly

so dear friend

say goodbye

to this dangerous sky

there are no more tears

left to cry

everything

they told us about

life was a lie.

Again The Roads

came to attack me

I wondered what

I did to them

as I broke

into pieces of sweat

my body was

no more solid

and I felt immediately

what it meant to be

decimated

in a gas attack

a brawl a war

it was like that

that is how I felt

when my body

crumpled

I was shattered

into shards

of some kind

though strangely

still alive

although there was

no coherence

to myself

I was so scattered

I was blood

I was flesh

I was bone

I was vomit

I was the broken beggar

I was the miserable prostitute

I was so many unfortunate people wailing

weighing on me

there was so much howling

from the tunnels of the cities

and the slums in the villages

the sick the maimed the mad

I was all that I was able to understand

this it was clear to me

I was everyone’s crying heart

everyone’s hurting mind

and then just like that

the lights went out of me

and I died.