you need to live
life is not a bed
of roses
someone
told me once
and now I know
it is a bed of thorns
and you are nothing
more than an animal
or a ghost
you simply do not matter
and then nothing makes sense
you find
when the puzzle slowly solves
itself in your mind
and you look at death
in the face
and laugh in transcending
ecstasy
filling up this universe.
on my hands and legs
I had become an animal
and there were
microscopic creatures
living on me
and I knew the universe
was evil
its devious ways
breaking my body
and mind
making me a beast
and the heat finally
finished me
the burning sky
blinding me
and with
my white eyes open
I died.
a mad horse
running
in the streets
that’s what
my mother
called me
horse
my world shakes
and to avoid
falling
I need to gallop
at top speed
only then
can I reach
the sky
only then
will I grow wings
and fly.
in my head
is crushing my brain
and like an animal
I am squashed
my pain unbearable
I pass out
then my world
is red
full of blood
and you can see
some of
my skull my bones
my skin stretched over
my heart that stopped beating
and I am a carcass
lifeless
my open eyes
see nothing.
can kick your heart
and mind hard
you are as scattered
as stars
and you are burning
on a stove like eggs
we are the puzzle
of puzzles
I wonder
if we can understand
ourselves
what makes us
so multifarious
I only know
I am drawn
like an animal
on a leash
and there are
opposites of me
I try to fit together
in these words
I try to bring
my scrambled thoughts
in one place
to see if I can see my face
and also if I could
piece myself altogether
if I could put it all in a way
that I am in perspective
and could look into a mirror
and see everything.
Dominic Alapat 